A Pathetic Being

After writing several poems for others or inspired by others, I often dwelt on the idea of writing one about myself. Why that poem couldn't take a definite form for a long time perhaps owed to the fact that I had not thought about myself or, more appropriately, I didn't know myself sufficiently enough to write a decent poem about myself. I still doubt that I have complete knowledge of myself as a person, but I am well aware of how I behave in college. Having said that, the following poem can be perceived as an honest description of how I see myself getting by in college. This little piece of information becomes even more significant when you come to know that it was in college that I wrote this poem. So I can say that these are natural thoughts because my surroundings, at the time of writing the poem, weren't made up. They were real and I was writing down whatever I felt being in those surroundings. This, I think, played a vital part in devouring the poem of any artificial element.

A Pathetic Being

I seem a human

to unheeding eyes,

who laughs in joy;

in sorrow, cries.



But to a sharp gaze

that penetrates through skin;

through the face, the eyes

into the heart within;



I am revealed to be

a pathetic being,

masquerading among humans

unheard, unseen.



Forever envious

of unachieved desires.

A liar myself

still, hateful of liars.



Forever furious

at trivial aberrations;

always in a state

of personal altercation.



Forever delirious

at things as they are,

for things as desired

seem quite a bit far.



I'm stuck Inside me;

trapped, incarcerated.

Forever in bewilderment;

derelict, dilapidated.



Like so, I will remain

for I'm too tired to fight.

I have lost my wits to tell

the wrong from the right.



Like so, I will remain,

unheard and unseen;

for a sharp gaze will penetrate me

to reveal the pathetic being.

-Avnish Bansal